What is this feeling?

The Browns took on the Broncos last Saturday night, away...at Mile High. Typically on game days I am a complete mess and the entire day is shot waiting for kickoff. Not today, I had LOTS of very IMPORTANT things to do....

1. Take some of my mother's frozen chili out of the refrigerator (so it would be ready by game time)
2. Ensure that I had enough ice cold beverages to enjoy during the game
3. Get my Kosar jersey out and ready
4. Call some friends and find someone to watch the game with (and share a little of the chili with)
5. Read every game preview/Browns article I could find.

Thats right, I was a busy man until game time. To my surprise, right before the game NBC and the NFL ran a 30 minute special on the Browns; describing...well...misery. They revisited: the drive, the fumble, and so on. Don't get me wrong, I realize these moments are Browns history, my history, but we don't have to talk about them all of the time. The reality of the situation is today; today's team is running out on the field to play in today's game. Much like 1984 (the book) suggests, mass media and societies perceptions form the reality of today. If we keep believing we can't win...we won't be able to.

So I ended up at my friend's apartment to watch the game. Having seen the past two games in person, this was the first game I was watching on TV, I was really surprised to see Kosar doing some announcing.

Quick story about Kosar: first off, I will only refer to him as Kosar, it is just what I call him and you better know who (and what number) I am talking about. If you don't, then you have some homework to do. Anyways, back when I was well, a little dood, I bought a Browns' hat (one of the greenish brown ones). I never wore it...ever (I don't know why). I decided one day to wear it when I was going Christmas shopping with the family. Little did I know later that day I would run into Kosar in Beachwood Place. Maybe it was because he is a truly nice person, or maybe it was because I was an adorable cute little boy (Yeah...I was) he signed my hat; I never wore it again.

I must say though, back in the day when I met him I didn't notice his distinct voice; he definitely has one (listen to a preseason game and you will know what I am talking about). As the game went on I was also forced to realize that he had something else: a ton of knowledge and insight on the game that most announcers don't. He didn't sugarcoat anything nor did he was time talking about stupid matters.

Now to the game - Charlie started and thats when the normal feeling hit: I had no confidence in him. Every time he threw the ball I held my breathe; my friend reassured me he was doing a good job. I couldn't believe it. I mean, in recent history I can't remember a game in which he played where he didn't, (a) fumble, (b) throw an interception, or (c) get sacked 1000 times. I was forced, dare I say it, to be impressed with his play. Anderson came in and did the typical, "I will walk down the field quickly, freeze up, and get us a field goal." Guess what - I am kind of sick of that...lets return to the running powerhouse of old. Charlie was smart enough to hand the ball to Lewis and let him do what he does best: hit people, break the line, and get touchdowns...a true Brown running back.

So what is this feeling I am talking about in the title? Its a feeling of just the slighest bit of confidence in Frye, our starter (sorry Anderson, you have the arm, but not the experience). I haven't had confidence in a quarterback since uhmmm....well there was always Kosar. I am excited to see what he (Charlie) can do against the Bears next week.

Quinn came in again (this time with some of our first stringers) and had a solid performance. He did have one play where the other 10 guys went right and he went left...I couldn't help but laugh a little. There is still something about him though, he just commands the field. It is like watching a decorated officer command a platoon of new recruits; the odd thing is - he is the new guy.

Feeling Good...About Losing?

This past weekend marked my first tailgating experience. Although, we weren't "true" tailgaters as a hopeful man inquired; all I had to offer him was a can of coke, which he took. We sat in the back of my '95 Pathfinder enjoying Italian sandwiches and olives, not quite typical tailgating, but you have to start somewhere. The march to the stadium was no different, I couldn't help but laugh as I saw the F**k Pittsburgh T-shirts for sale; we were not even playing them and won't be until September 9th. Thank the Lord we created a family section in the stadium to prevent the children from being exposed to all of the things we don't want them to see, all of the things they saw walking to the stadium...

I won't go on a long diatribe about whether or not the family section is a good idea, but I will say this: historically football has not been a family activity. Football is a dark basement where men come to dream, wish, and drink their way through Sundays. Only recently has this notion of football becoming a family sport arisen. Is it a good idea? I don't know, but it won't change overnight.

To be honest we completely missed the kickoff and the first play (fumble) by Anderson. His fumble and the performances of Frye and himself are not their fault. The fault lies with us, the fans. We are expecting them to be something they are simply not capable of being: the commander and chief, the leader, the mentor, and the hero. It is like asking someone to jump ten feet into the air: they can try day and night, sometimes they might even show a glimmer of hope, but never, never will they achieve the goal.

In all honesty, the half time show was the more exciting than the entire first half. No, they didn't bring in some country star to play for us, they brought in a bunch of grade school football players to have a quick game on the field. I loved it and so did the other 70k fans. Everyone was cheering and yelling. If the Browns were smart, they would keep this up.

Brady Quinn. Is he our savor? Could it be that an Ohio native is the guy to lead the Browns to their first wining season in years? Will he be the next Bernie Kosar? Could he be one of the greats? Well, I think its a good start to at least take a few snaps. When he came in during the fourth quarter those present saw something we haven't seen in awhile: command. Regardless what string of players were on the field, he commanded them...offensive and defense. He read the defense as though it was a child's book in a college classroom; he adjusted and made plays while not afraid of taking the big hit. He played like a child with nothing to lose, but he had an aura of grace and calmness which has been missing for so long. Even my father, a long time Notre Dame hater has admitted if Quinn is the real deal, if he is the savor, he will proudly wear a Notre Dame sweatshirt and all past grievances will be forgotten. If you knew my father you would know this says something: it says a lot.

Extra Points: The Browns managed to fix the lights on the city side scoreboard, that bothered me all last game. Seriously, they had the entire off season to get the stadium into working condition, its good to see they addressed the issue. There were a couple fights, but it seemed like they did a good job of handling it.

So it begins...

And so begins another Browns season. I have been a longtime (lifelong) Browns fan and finally found myself back in Cleveland. Against my better judgment I inherited two season tickets from my parents; I will see every game from the visitor's side lower bowl. The goal of this blog is to recount what a Cleveland Browns fan goes through...

As we drove down to the stadium my parents and my friend Dan avoided actually talking about the Browns, maybe it was because we didn't care? No, it was that nervous energy that every Clevelander knows about - will the Browns break our hearts again or is this the year, as one WKNR voice said, "The Season of Dreams"? Walking to the stadium we joked about the new family section going in to improve the image; we all knew Cleveland Browns Stadium is no place for families - it is a place were men and women of all ages become children again, clinging to any signs of hope. Sometimes when that hope has been beaten out of the crowd frustration comes out with harsh words.

Walking into the stadium this time was different - I usually spent my time during home games watching them on TV eating my mother's chili. Having the privilege to watch the beloved Browns first hand is something that has always been treasured in my family; this is something that I understand and respect. When we reached our seats something horrible happened. Did we see one of the Browns get injured on the field or did they cancel the game? No, far worse - we had the Gilmore Girls sitting behind us. I have honestly never heard two people talk about so many things that did not matter for so long. They literally spoke the entire game, nonstop. The closest they got to speaking football was discussing if Brady Quinn was as cute as the other quarterbacks across the league. They at least respected the game enough to know the players' names; I wish I could say the same for the kid that was about 10 rows below us. Within five minutes of kick off he was escorted out, with the bottle of Jack Daniels with him...

The starting quarterback was determined by a coin flip - apparently Charlie Frye won. It became clear quickly that some things never change. In the opening drive he almost threw a couple interceptions and the Browns went three and out. Anderson stepped in and didn't fare much better. I hadn't really believed that the quarterback race was as dead even as the coach was saying - now I believe him. The Browns managed to get a few field goals and were up 9-7. The Chiefs ran back a dropped pass (behind the line of scrimmage) for a touchdown.

Cue Ken Dorsey. This guy definitely deserves a lot more than the fans in Cleveland will give him. We came in with the ball on the one yard line and immediately got a safety; this set the crowd into a chant. I felt as though I was in the movie, Rudy, they were chanting...Brady. The Browns managed to hold them on the following possession to a field goal. Charles Barclay was back to receive - this guy came out of nowhere. His eyes were on fire with the pure desire of getting the Browns back in it. He got a few good blocks and broke past the kicker to return the ball 88 yards for the score. We went wild; I can't even begin to describe what was pumping through our hearts when that happened - only a Browns fan could know what I am talking about. It's that childish pure uncontrolled joy - nothing could bring you down from that place. The defense held off the Chiefs and the Browns walked away with a victory.


As I was walking out of the stadium I couldn't help but think, is this "the Season of Dreams?" Will Frye or Anderson step up or will we have to wait for Quinn? Well, I have no idea, but I do know I felt different walking out of that stadium. I felt that I was now part of this team and they were even more a part of me. As a great book (On Being Brown) put it, people become Brown. I can tell you now, it was that moment when I was leaving the stadium that I truly transformed; I am now Brown.