Missed the Beginning, Missed at the End

This past weekend I was in Cincinnati visiting Emily and her family (she goes to University of Cincinnati). I made a point to leave early enough on Sunday so I could see the Browns play and also so I could visit my sister Britt (ordered by importance). Sorry Britt, but the Browns only play 20 days out of the year (pending they never make the playoffs...) and I have the other 346 days of the year to catch up with you. Anyways, I was driving up I-71N on my way to Cleveland when I had this bright idea: Its time to buy an HDMI cable so I could watch the Browns in HD on my parents' brand new 46 inch TV. Great idea? Yeah, you would think. I made a quick call to Rich (who can get a discount on them) and stopped by his place on the way home. After picking up the cable I left his apartment right as the game was starting, just in time to see the message across the bottom of the screen:

CBS Will NOT be presenting today's game in HD.

Typical Browns. The game (and the team) was so low on the ratings list that CBS didn't even bother broadcasting the game in HD. Figures.

I listened to the game on he radio as I drove to my parents' house; I had missed the beginning. I turned on the radio just in time to hear about Anderson's fumble and the Browns had a 3rd and 40 coming up. Yeah, this is looking good. By the time I got home I had missed the entire first quarter and some of the second - it killed me. I live and breath Browns all year long and missing a moment of the game drove me crazy. Not to enthralled by the game, Britt was trying to get to me to help her with her new ipod shuffle - not going to happen. Don't get me wrong, Britt is a sports fan, but the Cavs are definitely her team...not the Browns.

Now with the cable installed and my sister upstairs figuring out the ipod (sorry Britt...again), I could sit down and watch the game without any distractions. After about 5 minutes of watching "the bad" Anderson out on the field I was disheartened...all I could do was watch. I felt like a child being let down by his hero; I suppose, in that moment I was a child wishing for the unthinkable...another Browns win. It wasn't that I felt Anderson wasn't trying, it was that he wasn't prepared; like someone trying to pass a history test they didn't study for. Our defense wasn't to stellar either, letting the Raiders get a first down from 3rd and 23. Its so hard as a fan to watch a team do so well one week (vs. the Bengals) and come out so flat the next. Then again, the only consistency the Browns have given their fans over 60+ years are broken hearts.

Once again, Cribbs had an awesome game - 99 yard kickoff return along with some other long ones mixed in; our special teams couldn't do anything wrong it seemed. Fast forwarded to the closing minutes of the 4th quarter. The Browns were down by 2. Cribbs just received a kickoff and made a descent return; the Browns had 57 seconds to move down the field and get a field goal. My heart was pounding, I was pacing around the room, I was fulfilling my duty: keeping hope...now the Browns just had to come through...just this once. By some miracle of God (I stand by the fact God is a Browns fan), we got into position for a 40 yard field goal. The special teams lined up, the snap came, the punter handled it well, Dawson's kick went up....straight through the center of the uprights! HOLY CRAP! Thats about all I could get out before the officials called it back - Oakland had called a time out right before the snap...

I didn't need to watch the rest of the game. My dad said, "Well, whats going to happen now?". Without even thinking twice about it I said, "Oh, this kick is as good as blocked." Even know I said that, I still wished, prayed, hoped that somehow, just this once things would go our way. Just as they did a few minutes before, the team lined up, took the snap, and WHAM...blocked; we missed at the end.

To make matters worse, on that last play a Brown went down; no, it wasn't a player on the field - it was me. I had a fan concussion. I stood there, staring at the TV in shock; my arms were frozen over my face in disbelief. I was unable to watch post game anything, I couldn't even muster the energy to sit through Bruce Drennan's post game show...there was no way I was blogging under this condition - I was completely deflated. To me, for whatever reason, this lose was worse than the one in week one to the Steelers. Well, maybe not, nothing is worse than losing to the Steelers, but this was close.

On Monday I managed enough energy to email the Monday night Browns show hosted by Jim Donavin and Tony Grosse - my email made it on...again (although I don't think there was much competition):

I spent the whole week hearing the Browns say how they wouldn't ride the previous week's win affect how they prepared for the Raiders. After seeing how flat they came out on Sunday it is clear that they either felt that they just had to show up or...even worse: didn't care.

From the looks of Crennel and the other players saying they were "disappointed" after the game it is crystal clear they just don't care. I have seen virtually no emotion from the team as a whole this entire year. These games (wins and loses) have been much more emotionally daunting on the fans than the players; what will it take for them to care?

Browns come on. I always speak of the future, the "next year", being right now. I want so badly for you to stop letting us down so we can ditch this loser's mentality, but you give us no reason to believe anything else. Our only glimmer of hope is sitting on the sideline; maybe its better that way. As soon as he plays our entire hand is on the table - he will be playing with our hope, our faith, our hearts. With our hope on the field we will be left with nothing more than the reality of the moment, nothing to look forward to, that will be it...hopefully that is a great reality.

Hosting the Enemy

After last week's horrid game and the trade of Charlie Frye, I was desperate for some something good...unfortunately, I had "friends" coming from Cincinnati to watch the Browns take on the Bengals; I was hosting the enemy.

These "friends" of mine are college friends I used to watch the Sunday games with. They would proudly cheer on the Bengals and I would sit there in my Kosar jersey barking for the Browns - they had more to be happy about (minus the fact they cheered for the wrong team). Maybe this would be the time I get to cheer a little louder than them. They did not arrive from Cincinnati until very late Saturday night - everyone went to sleep moments after they arrived (although I may have stayed up and watch some NFL previews...).

There are a few things in life that just make sense together: peanut butter and jelly, Bert and Ernie, Metcalf and up the middle, and of course, football and tailgating. Emily, Steve, and I woke up early (what we thought was early) on Sunday to get everything ready. We precooked, we packed, we cleaned - tailgating is no easy task. We drove down Chester Ave. until we reached E. 9th Street and turned to the muni lot to park...apparently about 2,000 other people had the same idea and had gotten up earlier - there were no spots left (in fact, we saw the last car pull into the lot before they closed it). We parked in the garage, but pulled all of our tailgating stuff out and setup shop on the east wall - I thought we had this tailgating thing down. We found ourselves among a legion of other fans who had this sense of happiness about them that can only be matched by a small child finding an empty cardboard box - those make excellent forts.

I am never alone walking through the stadium; everyone has sense of excitement, a sense of hope - it usually is expressed in the same way each game...Here we go Brownies, here we go! The barking that follows this chant must invoke fear in the opposing fans (whether it be about the game or their personal safety); I love it. My friends made their way up to the nose breed section - I gave them instructions to remain quite or they could get into trouble. Emily and I made our way to our seats. We looked on the field and saw the beautiful (note sarcasm) spirit flag; I remain boggled as to how that got into our stadium.

The game started like any other although this time we had some interesting characters sitting around us - they all represented a different phase of fanship. "The New Guy" was sitting to my left - trying to figure out when to cheer and what all the penalties meant. "The Best Fans Ever" were sitting in front of us - too cool to high five Emily for the first half of the game and standing whenever they felt like it. "The Incidental Guy" sat to our right - wearing an Ohio State cap, he came just because it was something to do and laughed as I made comments about how it was our duty to retain hope in the Browns. "The Veteran" sat behind us - he commiserated with us about Browns history and how things used to be (and paid me a compliment on my jersey choice; I know, it's awesome). And then there was Emily - "The Rookie" - she was learning when to shout, when to be silent, and most importantly, when to pray (she learned from the best).

The Browns lost the coin toss and Cincinnati quickly drove down the field and got a TD. Oh no; here we go again. You have got to be kidding me. The Browns made a failed attempt at a drive down the field and punted it right back to the enemy - things were not looking good. At halftime the announcer said the Browns not having a turnover was a big difference in the game...you never say things like that - Anderson's first pass of the half: intercepted. Mysteriously, I wasn't flipping out too much when he threw it. This is when I realized a truth about the world - God is a Browns fan. There is no other way of explaining the divine like play our offensive unit was pulling off. They looked like the Browns of old - making the opposing team hurt with a strong offensive line and running it right down their throats...again, and again. We were clicking on all cylinders - everyone was having a career day. Cribbs was returning kickoffs giving us excellent field position, Lewis was breaking tackles left and right, the O line was giving Anderson time, the receivers were making catches that even the wildest imagination could not fathom; unfortunately, so were the Bengals. This was not a game that was to be won by defense - it was a race to how many times each team could run up and down the field. My personal belief as to why this happened (aside from the theory that God is a Browns fan) is that they stopped announcing the Heinz Red Zone, which historically has been the kiss of death for the Browns.

That legion of fans that I was talking about before - yeah they came to the game too. Chad Johnson made it into the endzone and decided to jump into the Dawg Pound - little did he know what he was in for...the fans held him up and poured beer onto him. Chad took it in stride, but the fans who doused him in beer were escorted out. I don't agree with that at all - Chad knew something would probably happen to him when he jumped in there - it was all done in fun. The fans also made their presence known during the last quarter of the game by cheering so loud we forced Cincinnati to take a couple of timeouts - it truly hurt them on the final drive of the game when Palmer's pass was intercepted and ironically enough...the game was won by good defense.

It was good to see the offense coming out, but it still doesn't feel quite like the Browns of old (I said they looked like the Browns of old before). Nothing short of a win against Pittsburgh will make me feel like this team is the real deal. A win against Pittsburgh means we are back after 12 years of being away. It will be exciting to see what happens when the Kid starts (sorry, not this weekend, Buddie). Despite all of this excitement, major problems still loom: our sole pro-bowl caliber player, our punter is injured, our defense has given up 10 touchdown passes in two games (they gave up 20 all last year), and our secondary is banged up...but hey, our special teams are playing well.

I emailed Bruce's show when I got home and managed to get it on the show...again:

I love your show and your mom is in our prayers.

Last week I wrote to you saying I left like I was walking out of a funeral after the Pittsburgh game, I have to say - walking out of this game I felt like I was walking out of a football game for the first time since, well...probably since Kosar was playing.

Does this mean all of the Browns problems went away? No...but hey, lets enjoy the next 6 days.

Everything is different when you win. You don't mind the person who wants to get in front of you in line, you don't mind hanging out waiting for your friends to meet you, you don't mind sitting in the parking lot, you just become a more laid back individual. It was fun going to Panini's afterwards to get a few wings and relax. Heck, when you win, even hosting the enemy doesn't seem that bad.

Extra Points: Anderson tied a team record with 5 touchdown passes,Lewis ran for the most yards (216) since the man who shares the name of the team ran, and the combined score lead to the 9th highest scoring game in NFL history.

Order of Fryes to Go

To be a leader in any aspect of life you must exude confidence and instill belief in those around you. Earlier this year I thought Frye could be that guy - I began to have that feeling (you know what I am talking about)...he won the preseason competition to become our starting quarterback, which in Cleveland means you are king.

Frye's debut at the home opener against Pittsburgh did not feel like a king leading his army into battle, but rather a timid stable boy holding a sword for the first time. Like I said before, I don't blame him; he was being asked to do something that his current training leaves him unable to do. He suffered multiple sacks and an interception before getting pulled before halftime. Anderson stepped in to rally the troops and prevented further embarrassment.

The speculation started immediately regarding Fyre's future; suspicions grew even higher when coach Crennel said there may be a personnel change, but wanted to wait until he spoke with his guys before he discussed it with the public - I respected that. Even though I am not convinced that Crennel has what it takes to be an NFL coach (emotion, fight, and a membership card to team badass) I do respect his dedication and commitment to the players - I understand why people like to play for this guy.

By Tuesday evening Frye was on a plane to Seattle to be a backup for the Seahawks. When I arrived home from work I saw Frye interviewed on TV at the airport terminal - it seemed like such a raw deal for a genuinely good guy. He was once the man the city looked to to save the Browns; now the city couldn't even give him a press room and a few moments to say goodbye. Despite the scenery Frye spoke highly of the organization he grew up loving and the fans - a true class act.

Will Fyre ever start again? Would he ever return to the Browns? I think Seattle is a better place for him - he can sit back and learn behind a veteran quarterback, something he has never had the luxury of doing here. I think one day he will be a solid NFL quarterback...but he will never play for the Browns again. No, the fans will not soon forget how he gave us so much hope, but then ripped our hearts out with disappointment. As fans we owe it to Frye to cheer for him one last time when the Seahawks come to Browns stadium later this year - quite possibly the last time Frye is in The Browns Stadium as a player.

What does this mean for Quinn and Anderson? It means Anderson will start against the Bengals, but the kid, the new Fyre, the new hope, is only one bad play away.

Extra Points: Frye's trade marks the first time in NFL history that a starting QB from week one is traded by week two of the season.

Walking Away From a Funeral

I rolled out of bed just like I would any other morning...except, this wasn't any other morning; this was opening day for the Browns. Beyond that, this was a special day: Browns vs. Steelers at home - I won't go into why this game is such a big rivalry (the fact you are reading this tells me you already know - you can't beat it...its as close to Christmas morning some of us "grown ups" get. What presents did I get? Well, I'll go one by one.

Present One: The Plain Dealer
After spending 5 years in Bengal country (Yes, it was painful...but college was fun despite them), I have come to respect having a real sports newspaper. I can remember on draft day when we picked up that lineman and some quarterback; I was siting in the local Browns Backers Bar (Uncle Woodies) watching the draft. Someone had a copy of the Cincinnati newspaper; it was worthless. The draft was restricted to the sports' section and even at that didn't get much coverage. One of the guys met his mother in Columbus to get a copy of the Plain Dealer; it was like night and day. The PD had a draft addition to the front page in addition to full analysis of the top picks and predictions - it was wonderful.

Don't get me wrong, I love to read, talk about, and analyze all of the Browns' news, but this paper almost wore me down - the PD out did itself. They had an entire section of the newspaper "Section X" that was completely devoted to the Browns. No, it wasn't just a few page...it was 10 pages completely packed with Browns analysis; this complimented the full coverage within the sports section well. This was my first present and I was getting warmed up.

Present Two: Free Parking and Food
My friend offered to pay for parking and the food at the stadium since he was using my tickets...who am I to pass up free...anything? This was my second gift and I was beginning to feel it...that Christmas spirit.

Present Three: Steeler's Fan Gets A Ticket
As my friend and I made our way into the stadium we couldn't help but notice a Steeler's fan getting a ticket for doing something...stupid. I don't know exactly what he did or why, but it didn't seem they serious (the guy was smiling as the crows yelled at him). This was my third gift and was loving it.

These gifts were nice and all, but I was still looking for that one big present that I had been asking for all year - no not the Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle (No, I won't shoot my eye out mom) - I wanted the Browns to win...badly.

We got to the seat about 20 minutes before kickoff - almost immediately a girl walks down the row to me and says, "Nice Jersey" and gives me a high five. As she walks away I notice she is also sporting Kosar; seriously Kosar, you are king. This was like getting a gift from a 2nd Uncle you totally were not expecting.

As we waited for the game to start the announcer came on the microphone to draw our attention to the field - they had a large Browns flag held by probably 100 people. Ok I thought...what is the big deal. The announcer then told us that this was the "spirit flag" and would be brought out before each home game to get the crowd excited. Seriously? Are you even kidding me? Don't get me wrong, I am sure the 10 families that showed up in the family section of the stadium loved it, but for the rest of us it marked clearly how the Browns thought of themselves. The NFL is no place for spirit flags - it is a place for some bad additude, rough around the edges, generally badass all stars to come around and pound on you so hard you wish you were back at home with your mommy. Need less to say, spirit flags do not fit into that ideal - get your stuff together Browns. This was like receiving a gift that was clearly for a kid about 2 or 3 years younger than you, but you still have to smile and thank your grandparents.

If the spirit flag wasn't enough of a signal to everyone in the stadium that things would not end well then the first punt would make it crystal clear. Our temporary punter (Z has a injured back), who wasn't brought in till Saturday morning due to crappy coaching foresight, missed the first snap. It wasn't this guys fault (I will not mention his name). It was the coaching staff's job to recognize (with all of their experience) that Z couldn't play and sign a temp with enough time to practice - a complete failure. This was like having to thank your aunt for the gift you hated in the first place.

Frye blew it. There is no other way to put it. He ended last season effectively losing the starting job and spent the entire off season winning it back. Within 2 quarters he drops the ball (literally and figuratively). He got sacked more times then I would like to admit. Anderson stepped in and made things look a little better, but not by much. I will spare the details, but the Browns got completely handled - it was ugly. This was like opening a gift, loving it and getting really excited, then realizing the gift is for your older brother.

That night I was unable to do...anything. I had plans of being productive - completely gone. I sat at home and watched Bruce Drennan on TV talking Browns. I didn't even want to listen, but I couldn't help myself. Then, he mentioned they were accepting emails...I figured what the heck, I'll give it a shot. So I wrote up this...

If the opening day is supposed to be a fresh start, a rebirth, why did I feel like I was leaving a funeral at the end of the game? What died - Our hopes for a winning season and my respect for Crennel.

Amazingly enough, of the hundreds of emails he gets, he read mine...this my friend is what you call the silver lining.


No, I didn't get that big gift I was wishing for all year. What I did get was depressing. Looking back at this - we lost the game before it even started. Cleveland has this losers mentality to it...everyone talks about all the history of losing teams. I don't think this will help us win...anything (as a city or as a team). But I also realize if we don't make any changes to how we are doing things why should we be expected to change our view of them.

As I walked away from that stadium I truly did feel like I was walking away from a funeral - everyone aimlessly walking...looking for something, anything, to distract them from the current moment in time - to transport their soul to elsewhere. As I walked away I couldn't help but think of Brady: this was like finding that one extra gift when you thought they had all been opened...I think I will just save this one for a rainy day.

Year Predictions

Let the record show that I believe that we will split the division and also beat Miami and Oakland (at the minimum...5-11). If the Gods smile upon us we will win 9.

The WINdy City

Browns vs. Bears in Solder field; who could pass up the opportunity to see that game? I wouldn't, I couldn't. I looked around on the Internet to find tickets to the game and found a few for 50 bucks - I was going.

So after getting final approval from my boss to take two days off of work I began making final plans. Andy, one of my friend's from high school, and his fiance lived in Chicago and I figured this was a good excuse to visit them - also, the price was right on their guest bedroom...thanks again by the way. I was able to pack all of my stuff for the weekend within a small book bag - including my Kosar jersey. My brother-in-law warned me that wearing the jersey in Chicago would be crazy.

As I left work and started to walk towards the RTA red line (airport line) I opened by bag and put on my jersey - I wanted everyone to know what I stood for and where I was going. After paying a 1.75 for the ride (apparently it went up 25 cents since I was in high school) I talked with the RTA guy for about 5 minutes about the Browns and my trip - nice guy. Although, he told me that wearing my jersey was crazy; where did I hear that before?

As I walked through the Cleveland Airport I was given head nods and some people yelling "Go Browns!"; it was awesome. I made it to my gate and began to read the three magazines I just bought to help me select my fantasy players for the year; no, I just can't use all the Browns players again, like I had done for the previous seasons. As I sat there waiting for the flight many people asked me if I was going to the game and what my predictions for the season were - it was awesome; a couple guys also said "I will see you there". A family sat down across from me; the father looked at my jersey and said, "Thats old school (the Kosar Jersey), and began to ask me about the Browns' greats of his childhood." I quickly rose to the challenge and shocked him with my knowledge of the past and general respect for their legacy - we talked Browns for 15 minutes before his wife guilted him into getting into line. As he walked away he said, "Don't wear that jersey, you will get killed."

I was flying Southwest - no assigned seats and I was virtually the last one on the plane - hello middle seat! I sat between a couple gentlemen, both seemed like nice people. The plan ride was fairly uneventful until we landed; the guy in the window seat started to talk to me about the Indians and the Browns - he seemed nice. Right as I was getting up to walk out he said, "Hey - Go Bears" - sometimes I just misjudge a person's character.

Walking through Midway aiport in Chicago was...interesting. There was a gentleman walking along side me that gave me this grin which more or less said, "Are you flipping crazy wearing that jersey?". I just smiled and told him, "I have to wear it or someone will think I am a Bears fan." - he laughed. While I waited for Andy's fiance to pick me up I got to witness the joy of airport traffic for about an hour. I mention this because it got me worked up just watching the worst of people come out through their cars.

Chicago traffic reminds me much of LA; I won't go on to say anything more than that. We fought our way to the Solder Field parking lot - I had 34 dollars on me - it was 40 to park. The funny thing is the week prior in Cleveland I was joking to my girlfriend that it was 40 to park - in Cleveland its 5. Anyways, we had to turn around and eventually found a place far away to park for 16. As we were walking through the Bears tailgaters many of them gave me crap, but all were light hearted. My typical response was either, "Come on, its Kosar - give me a break" (This would ussually make them quite because they didn't know Browns' history) or "You guys are going to win the division this year, let me enjoy this one game".

Even though we were in Solder Field I really felt as though we were in mile high - our seats were about 10 rows down from the top - on the bright side I knew God was a Browns fan - we were sitting so high I could see him wearing a Jim Brown jersey. The height didn't bother me for one reason - for the first and last time in my life I was on the 50 yard line.

As the game began I looked around and saw how similar Bears fans were to Browns fans - they are good people. I have to say I respected their willingness to cheer for the defense, something that is missing from a lot of fans (not the Browns fans, of course). I then realized I was happy I took this trip, not for the game, but rather for the experience.

The Browns took the lead early and didn't give it up - I didn't know how to react to being up by 19 pionts. I did know sitting amongst many people who were happy with my team, who's jersey I was wearing, to keep my mouth shut. The Browns even managed to get a safety against the Bears - they were playing well.

After the game were walking out and I gave the typical head nod to all the Browns' fans (about 1 in 20 were there for the Browns). There was a group of three die hard Browns fans that had face painting and the whole deal - not quite the same philosophy of "laying low" as I had. I made eye contact with them and one of them pointed right at me. She ran over and started talking about the time she met Kosar, then she disappeared. At this point I felt someone jumping on my back...I think she had a few to many drinks. Her group of friends started the "Here we go Brownies" chant and I took part for a couple before coming to my senses and separated myself (no home team deserves that kind of rubbing it in after a lose like that). We kept walking; a couple came up to me and commented on the Kosar jersey. I could tell that they were also really enjoying the 7 dollar drinks that night; I have no idea what they said, all I know is that the woman took my hand and kissed it - Kosar, you are king.

Much like in the movie Field of Dreams, I felt compelled to wear the jersey, get myself to Chicago and watch the game - but for what? I had to show my respect for the players of old - those who built the legacy of the Browns...and this is how I feel during the preseason.